Everyone Just Has to Wait Their Turn in Line

1. He Was Probably Swimming During D.A.R.E. Class

Harold and Kumar can add another weed-head to their famous pot-smoking
(mis)adventures: Michael Phelps. Apparently the Olympian had to blow off some steam at a University of South Carolina party last November and decided to smoke some of that Light Green from a bong. I guess you’d be pretty stressed out too if you’d just won eight gold medals, a $1 million bonus and international fame paralleled by very few.

Now before we start to criticize him, banning him from ads and ruling him an improper role model, let’s not forget that he’s just 23 years old. Yes, it’s true that with fame comes a sense of responsibility that he should recognize. And whether people such as Charles Barkley want to admit it, what they do in public matters — especially when it’s endangering the lives of people by driving drunk en route for a great “fellatory treat.” Come to think of it, Mike that might be a better way to go, but I digress.

Phelps needs to realize he can’t drive drunk — like he did at 19 — or smoke pot among thousands of idiot kids who are willing to sell you out for a quick buck. Everyone plays Deep Throat with you, Michael. Everyone. Next time you want to suck on the pipe, Mike, do it in private.

But, putting this in even more perspective, wouldn’t anyone act out a little if they’d just spent four years of their lives training every day in a pool with no human contact at all? At least he helped America: what have some of the other pot smokers you know done? Not fail out of school? Please. Phelps absolutely remains a model for athletic success and as an inspiration for anyone with a goal. It’s not like he’s been doing this stuff during his 20-hour training sessions.

Simply put, his partying years have been taken away and he should be able to have a little fun, especially when he isn’t endangering the life of anyone else. (OnFire is not endorsing marijuana use, by the way.)

It’s unfortunate that he will probably be penalized with lost endorsements from this, but it’s a good lesson for Michael: make sure your friends check their cameras at the door.

2. Like Brilliant Father, Like Son

We here at OnFire adore the General Robert Montgomery Knight. His 902 Division-I wins are a record, his 1975-76 Indiana Hoosiers were the last team to go undefeated in the regular season, with a record of 36-0, and his three national championships place him among the best to ever coach.

Unfortunately he’s more memorable for his casual dress and temper tantrums than his wins, traits he has passed on to his son, current Texas Tech coach Pat.

In a recent game against Nebraska, Pat didn’t like a call from the refs and stormed the court, coming face-to-face with the official. Needless to say, he was quickly ejected. However, not feeling he made his point, Pat broke through the Jerry Springer-like security guard contingent and stormed the court once more.

Now he’ll probably be fined or something stupid, but we love it. What passion he showed! Maybe if he had punched the ref in the face the official would have thought long and hard the next time he made a call.

This comes after the Texas Tech coach invited a young fan from the stands to his huddle during a game to prove that anyone should be able to make layups.

The Knights are good for basketball and anyone who says they aren’t grew up in a household that obviously doesn’t appreciate genius. They don’t follow any codes of conduct and do and say as they please. And you know what? It’s good for the game.

3. This Has to Be Analogous to Something

Trying to cut in line at the bathroom during the Super Bowl, Matt Cassel upset some people. One such fan decided to pee on him.

Here’s our question: Do you think Tom Brady would have had to wait in line at any bathroom in the first place? Just goes to show Cassel that he shouldn’t forget where he came from and how far he has not gotten.

He should have carried a child, said it was Brady’s, and told people he needed to change its diaper. After all, acting as Brady’s babysitter is a much more believable role for him.

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One response to “Everyone Just Has to Wait Their Turn in Line

  1. Someone tried to cut Matt Cassel in line, not the other way around.

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