Perhaps Next Time They’ll Just TP the Place

If You Can’t Beat ’Em, Just Pee on ’Em

We’ve head of some pretty ridiculous stories from high school sports in hick town, but this incident with a basketball team from Illinois just might take the cake.

On Jan. 30, the Hiawatha High School boys’ varsity team lost on the road to Indian Creek. Instead of, say, waiting for the rematch later in the season to extract some revenge, the Hiawatha players decided they just couldn’t wait.

Members of the team decided (allegedly) that the best way to handle the situation was to urinate all over the visiting locker room and throw some popcorn on top of that.

Yeah, sounds like a good plan. I’m sure no one will suspect you guys.

Investigators photographed the evidence and handed it over to Hiawatha school officials. When members of the team were asked to admit to the crime, only one kid stepped forward. But officials knew he was not the only culprit because the amount of urine was “way too much for just one person.” In response, the rest of the team’s season has been canceled, and players and parents — well, mostly just parents — aren’t too happy about the outcome.

“They said there was too much urine to be one person,” a parent said. “They, apparently in the investigation, decided there was more than one person. I don’t know how you can determine what it was after it had dried.”

In addition, members of the team are all writing letters of apology to their victims.

Let’s see, how might one of those go? “Dear Indian Creek, sorry I’m an immature jerk who peed all over your stuff. Good luck in the rest of the season.”

Or something like that.

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