Cowboys Stadium Seems a Little Excessive, But That’s Just Us

 

1. Not so Mighty and Morphin

Sometimes, people on television feel as if the characters they have played prepare them for real-life situations. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s role as the Terminator obviously prepared him for the tough and politically charged governor’s role of California. Fran Drescher’s role as a nanny on “The Nanny” correlated with her ability to be Senator of New York. Luckily, David Patterson did not feel the same way. All New York needs is another whiny voice in politics.

But while the on-screen roles of the aforementioned stars didn’t do anything to prepare them for their new paths, the same can’t be said for Jason David Frank. You may know him better as the Green (and White) Ranger from the greatest children’s TV series ever: “The Power Rangers.”

 Many may recall how weak he appeared in certain episodes and how frustrating he was to watch. We hated him for being weak and always being injured. We especially hated him because he stole Kimberly — the adorable Pink ranger played by Amy Jo Johnson (didn’t even need to Wikipedia that name) — and made us jealous.

Anyway, the years of battling Rita and her gang of criminals has yielded a new career for him as a Mixed Martial Arts fighter. He has decided to begin his next career in this arena where he will face the equally difficult and dangerous likes of Brock Lesnar and the disturbingly awful comedy of Joe Rogan.

We wish him the best. He won’t have his dragon dagger (again, no need for Wikipedia) to help him, but he will have his charming good looks.

Wait — that won’t work against Brock, but maybe against Joe.

Anyway, we think he’s about to see what happens when the script doesn’t favor his character.

 

2. Lighting strikes twice

 Remember how we just had a conversation about people in one arena of entertainment thinking they are qualified to do something in the real world? And how it doesn’t ever work out well? Adding to this theme of preposterousness is Linda McMahon. You may know her better as the former CEO of the WWE, the wrestling business that brought you the likes of Triple H, the Rock, Stone Cold and, regrettably, Test.

Now she is running for Senator of Connecticut against embattled incumbent — and super Red — Christopher Dodd. She may not be qualified to run at all, considering she has absolutely zero political experience, but her campaign would be absolutely amazing if we disregard a couple glitches.

But if we look at certain things she has authorized in the past, it may come to haunt her. For example, she has slapped her own daughter Stephanie across the face (which doesn’t exactly show family values), wrestled younger divas in the ring ( which doesn’t exactly show fine judgment) and allowed someone to run over Stone Cold Steve Austin, nearly paralyzing him and leaving him out of the business for more than a year. We still don’t know how we passed the time for that long.

But at rallies, she could have Stone Cold drink immeasurable amounts of beer with the constituents. The Rock could fake “rock bottom” images of Dodd on a mat. Or, if she wanted to create cool slogans to denounce policies she doesn’t like, she could just use some wrestlers to say their famous taglines. Like, X-Pac could say “A Public Health Option Can Suck it.” Or something like that.

 

3. Wait, is it Already Christmas?

Kurt Angle won an Olympic Gold at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, but we only knew him as the cocky SOB on WWE who always thought he was better than everyone. Needless to say, when he would lose, we were happier than Y.E. Yang after beating Tiger.

Angle recently appeared on “The Howard Stern Show” and was flat-out denied a date by Robin Quivers, Stern’s longtime assistant. That’s pretty embarrassing. He won a gold medal for Christ’s (Jeter’s) sake.

Perhaps he should just stick to fashioning even more colorful singlets.

 

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