1. Famous Feet
Imagine being the son of Pepsi’s CEO at Emory University, an Oklahoma fan at Oklahoma State or Paris Hilton at a Motel Six. Wouldn’t you feel slightly out of place? Well, apparently these awkward feelings also apply to your footwear choices.
University of Central Florida’s most famous benchwarmer, Marcus Jordan — you may have heard of his father Michael — refuses to wear the Adidas shoe that the rest of his teammates are contractually obliged to wear. He chooses — you guessed it — the Jordan brand.
What kind of ridiculous message does this send? It’s like Michelle falling off the horse in the final episode of “Full House.” Come on, you were already bigger than Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey combined — do you really have to be the center story in the finale? Once again, we see that the lucky sperm club is the only one to belong to.
2. Take it off?
Here at OnFire HQ, we have a few ways to promote staff bonding. There are the classic trust falls, some giggly truth-or-dare sessions and, of course, the occasional strip editing session — you drop an item of clothing for every misused semicolon or ellipsis.
Now, to most people, this probably sounds like a pretty preposterous idea. But members of the Tampa Bay Lightning apparently wouldn’t bat an eye.
On Tuesday night, the team stayed after practice for a little friendly — borderline too friendly, perhaps — competition. Members faced off for a series of shoot-outs and every time the puck didn’t make it into the net, they had to toss some clothing to the sidelines. None of the guys took it all off, but we still find the whole event a little odd. Don’t these dudes see enough — you know, enough — of each other in the locker room? If the Lightning takes home the Stanley Cup, we’ll suspend all our judgment. In the meantime, boys, please allow us to recommend some trust falls.